Honesty, the musician I relate to the most was Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus.
Don't laugh. I'm being serious.
She lost herself to being famous and being in the big city. She had to go back to her roots to find her true self again.
And although I'm not where my roots are, I have a feeling I'm here to
find my true self again. I've been so wrapped up in other people and
city life to stop and look at life itself. For once in my life I didn't
need to stop and smell the roses, I needed to stop and plant the garden from which those roses came.
And you know what? I'm happy with that.
I want to thank my adopted mom for giving me that amazing opportunity. I love you mom. <3
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
I'm so confused
It's like im not in charge of my own body anymore
as if my soul died and my flesh is still wandering around this horrible planet
the person that means the most to me hates me now and nothing I say or do can sway that
I fucked up. But the funny part is I don't even know how or when.
All I know is everything I touch turns into a whirlwind of chaos
I'm back in Oregon again, not exactly where I want to be. But did I have a choice?
No. I never do.
Within one week I lost my job, my phone broke, I started cutting myself again, attempted suicide twice, got an eviction notice for my apartment, lost the love of my life for the second time, my laptop got busted, and my biological mom told me no one could ever love someone like me and put a knife to my throat.
The funny thing is I think she's right for once.
I just want to give up
And for all of this to end.
I'm tired of trying.
I can't do this anymore...
It's like im not in charge of my own body anymore
as if my soul died and my flesh is still wandering around this horrible planet
the person that means the most to me hates me now and nothing I say or do can sway that
I fucked up. But the funny part is I don't even know how or when.
All I know is everything I touch turns into a whirlwind of chaos
I'm back in Oregon again, not exactly where I want to be. But did I have a choice?
No. I never do.
Within one week I lost my job, my phone broke, I started cutting myself again, attempted suicide twice, got an eviction notice for my apartment, lost the love of my life for the second time, my laptop got busted, and my biological mom told me no one could ever love someone like me and put a knife to my throat.
The funny thing is I think she's right for once.
I just want to give up
And for all of this to end.
I'm tired of trying.
I can't do this anymore...
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Today has been a really tough day.
Well actually it's been a really tough week
For some reason I feel useless. That there is no point to my existence.
I know that is untrue because everyone is here for a reason. Or so I've been told anyway.
I'm starting to feel like everyone hates me.
I need a hobby besides cleaning the house every day before I lose what sanity I have left.
I want to go back to college but its to late to register so I have to wait until May when the new semester starts.
I'm currently looking for a job but those are hard to come buy these days.
Wow my week has been pretty crappy.
I just hope next week will be better.
I hope the rest of you have a good weekend.
Well actually it's been a really tough week
For some reason I feel useless. That there is no point to my existence.
I know that is untrue because everyone is here for a reason. Or so I've been told anyway.
I'm starting to feel like everyone hates me.
I need a hobby besides cleaning the house every day before I lose what sanity I have left.
I want to go back to college but its to late to register so I have to wait until May when the new semester starts.
I'm currently looking for a job but those are hard to come buy these days.
Wow my week has been pretty crappy.
I just hope next week will be better.
I hope the rest of you have a good weekend.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Hi there, I'm Nikki.
Now before I start my blog of my daily adventures let me catch you up to speed.
I was born in Detroit Michigan to five half siblings. Two passed before I was 10.
The others you ask? Well lets just say we don't talk much.. At all.
As I got older my parents separated and from time to time they would try to "resolve" there issues and and give it another go. But, after each try was a miserable failure that effected all of us.
After first grade, my mom gave me to my dad because I "hated" her. Which I'm not gonna call a lie.
(You'll understand why soon)
I lived with my dad from the time I was 6 until I was almost 12. With the occasional disrupment of my mom trying to obtain custody of me because she thought she was a fit parent.
In the that 5 1/2 years I found out that both of my parents were severe alcoholics, my mom was a unfixable drug junkie and did anything she could get her hands on, I also found out that my dad was dying.
My parents also had another thing in common, They were both abusive.
My mom (a.k.a. The Vagina Donor) was the mentally abusive one and my dad was the physical one.
When I was almost 12 I got removed from My home by CPS. (Child Protective Services)
And that is where I resided until I was the age of 18.
When I turned 18 I went on a road trip to Oregon to live with a family friend who treated me exactly like I was her own daughter. But, unfortunately it didn't work out and I had an emotional break down.
So my boyfriend who was still in Phoenix bought me a Greyhound ticket back home. And I am currently residing with him and his family.
I left a lot of the main details out. But, that's what my blog is going to be about. So I can't tell you everything all at once. My purpose is to tell you my story. The story of a young girl with a lot of troubles, with a little bit of hope and optimism, can overcome any obstacle.
Until then, I wish you lovely people a goodnight.
xoxo -Nikki
Now before I start my blog of my daily adventures let me catch you up to speed.
I was born in Detroit Michigan to five half siblings. Two passed before I was 10.
The others you ask? Well lets just say we don't talk much.. At all.
As I got older my parents separated and from time to time they would try to "resolve" there issues and and give it another go. But, after each try was a miserable failure that effected all of us.
After first grade, my mom gave me to my dad because I "hated" her. Which I'm not gonna call a lie.
(You'll understand why soon)
I lived with my dad from the time I was 6 until I was almost 12. With the occasional disrupment of my mom trying to obtain custody of me because she thought she was a fit parent.
In the that 5 1/2 years I found out that both of my parents were severe alcoholics, my mom was a unfixable drug junkie and did anything she could get her hands on, I also found out that my dad was dying.
My parents also had another thing in common, They were both abusive.
My mom (a.k.a. The Vagina Donor) was the mentally abusive one and my dad was the physical one.
When I was almost 12 I got removed from My home by CPS. (Child Protective Services)
And that is where I resided until I was the age of 18.
When I turned 18 I went on a road trip to Oregon to live with a family friend who treated me exactly like I was her own daughter. But, unfortunately it didn't work out and I had an emotional break down.
So my boyfriend who was still in Phoenix bought me a Greyhound ticket back home. And I am currently residing with him and his family.
I left a lot of the main details out. But, that's what my blog is going to be about. So I can't tell you everything all at once. My purpose is to tell you my story. The story of a young girl with a lot of troubles, with a little bit of hope and optimism, can overcome any obstacle.
Until then, I wish you lovely people a goodnight.
xoxo -Nikki
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