Hello People's

I wanted to give you an update.
I know it has been a while since I have last written on this blog.
Things have been so hectic and chaotic lately in both good and bad ways that I haven't had much time for anything.

I started college in January and have already completed the first of three semesters. My second semester starts up on the 6th of this month. I am studying Criminal Justice to be a probation officer. I haven't really decided if it will be for juvenile's or adults. This is pretty much my only major positive going on currently.

I have been quarreling with my self lately on moving back to Arizona. I know in my heart that moving back there is not the best thing for me, but at the same time it doesn't feel right in my heart being here either. My adopted mom is having heart issues and lung issues. And every time there is a family argument I am some how the root of it. Don't get me wrong I love my family, but if me moving is protecting my mom's health and decreasing family issues I am going to do it regardless of the fact that I may or may not be miserable. My adopted mom says I am being a coward and running away from my issues. But I am not, she wouldn't really understand. I lost my dad, my biological mom is psychotic and my grandma pretty much hates me now due to my bio mom's lies. She also doesn't understamd the fact that putting all these people with totally different backgrounds and issues under one roof and expecting us to live in perfect harmony is ridiculous and pretty much impossible. It's just like any child services group home, shelter, or foster home.

On top of it my bio mom called me and said she wanted me to come visit her and my grandmother. After countless times of convincing my adopted mom to let me go to Arizona by myself she agreed with on stipulation that I have a back up plan and a safe place to go in case me and my bio mom get into it. With excitement I called my bio mom to let her know. When she answered she was intoxicated. (not surprising) After I told her the simulation she flipped out on me on the phone saying, "I was her kid and no bitch is going to tell me what I can and can't do with my own kid". Then she went on about how useless I am and I am such a bitch and blah blah blah. After that argument and my adopted mom attempting to mend everything she revoked my plain ticket and the offer and pretty much told me to go fuck myself. Then turned my grandmother against me with a bunch of lies which I am trying to mend and set straight frantically.

So, I have had a lot on my mind and on my plate.
I don't feel depressed or stressed out badly, I guess the feeling is more stuck and confused.
I'm not sure what I am doing here in this life and every time I think I've figured it out everything gets jumbled all over.

I just need for life to work out once for me without screwing me over.