On a daily basis I sit here and think of all the things I've been through in my life.
I would like to sit here and tell you that as time goes on the nightmares and scary memories of the past get easier to deal with, but for me, they don't.

It's kinda like your first love.
When that relationship ends you hurt and hurt.
But eventually you get over it.
Until you see them walking down the street or find a letter they wrote you, or even see their name pop up on your facebook newsfeed.
All that emotion, happiness, sadness, anger it all comes flooding back and you feel like you're at square one again.
But you know what? Eventually you get over it. And if you do see them walk down the street or their name on Facebook it's not going to bother you anymore.

And maybe just maybe I will eventually get over my past.
But I can tell you, it won't be today or tomorrow but when that day comes where all those emotions don't come flooding back, I will gladly welcome it with open arms.

This past Friday, (6/20) was my daddy's birthday. He would have been 57. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him. I miss him terribly. But I know in my heart he is in a better place.
R.I.P.

If you made a mistake in your life and could take it back would you?

If you could relive the past to alter the future would you?

If you didn't get that 100% on that test that your parents had been riding your ass about, would you go back and study more? Cheat? Or tell yourself the answers you got wrong?

Would you go back in time to save a loved one from dying?

Or would you go back in time and start over from the very beginning?

Now, if I were asked those questions I would reply, Hell No.

All the events that have occurred in my life is what has made me the woman I am today.

Also, we as humans don't know how changing even the smallest things could affect our future.

You saving your mother from being on her death bed could alter you meeting the love of your life.

Everything happens for a reason. Weather we see it at that moment or not. 

Every decision big or small, joy filled or teary eyed makes you who you are today.

And being who I am today, I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

You should never have to live with regret or the what-ifs.

Things happen, mistakes are made, people die. 

Its all how you choose to live with the situation and yourself.

And trust me, you will cry, you will stress, and you will need time to process.

But in the end, all of your tragedies in life will come together to make a beautiful song that you can sing to your family and friends.

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's an experience." -Victoria Holt 

Honesty, the musician I relate to the most was Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus.
 Don't laugh. I'm being serious.
She lost herself to being famous and being in the big city. She had to go back to her roots to find her true self again.
And although I'm not where my roots are, I have a feeling I'm here to find my true self again. I've been so wrapped up in other people and city life to stop and look at life itself. For once in my life I didn't need to stop and smell the roses, I needed to stop and plant the garden from which those roses came.
And you know what? I'm happy with that.
I want to thank my adopted mom for giving me that amazing opportunity. I love you mom. <3